For many, discovering a pregnancy is one of life’s most joyful moments. From the instant we learn we are expecting, we begin to imagine a future with our child, first steps, birthdays, graduations and more. According to John Bowlby’s prenatal attachment theory,¹ Anna R. Brandon, et al., “A History of the Theory of Prenatal Attachment,” Journal of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health 23, no. 4 (2009). this bond begins the moment a mother learns she is expecting.

For countless families, that joy is abruptly replaced by heartbreak. Pregnancy loss, often referred to as a miscarriage is by definition “a spontaneous loss of a fetus before the 20th week of pregnancy.”²MedlinePlus, “Miscarriage,” U.S. National Library of Medicine, last reviewed October 15, 2024. Statistically, one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage.³ Alaina Brubaker, “Miscarriage: You Are Not Alone,” Talkspace, February 16, 2021. That means nearly everyone knows someone who has experienced this loss, whether they realize it or not.

Miscarriage can be a devastating loss, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Despite being one of the most common forms of loss, miscarriage remains a taboo subject that is often met with silence or discomfort. Sadly, the lack of recognition in our culture follows grieving parents into their professional lives. In the workplace parents are subject to being met with uncertainty, discomfort or awkward encounters. All creates real harm for grieving parents.

Currently, the Federal Government does not classify miscarriage or pregnancy loss as an event requiring bereavement leave, nor does it require employers to provide paid or unpaid leave specifically for miscarriage. In fact, there is no federal mandate for bereavement leave at all. As a result, individual states, and ultimately individual employers determine whether they will offer any form of bereavement or compassionate leave. This leaves millions of workers dependent on employer discretion during some of the most difficult times of their lives.

While bereavement leave traditionally relates to the death of immediate family members such as parents, children and siblings, compassionate leave encompasses a wider range of circumstances such as health emergencies, emotional trauma or significant life disruptions, including pregnancy loss. Without clear federal standards, employers are met with a lot of ambiguity around what should or should not qualify for these types of leave. As a result, it is uncommon to find an employer who offers bereavement or compassionate leave for pregnancy loss.

The consequences of inaction are significant. Many emotional challenges follow employees into the workplace, affecting focus, morale, and performance. When employers neglect to acknowledge pregnancy loss, affected employees may return to work prematurely out of financial necessity or fear of job loss.

Failing to acknowledge the loss and providing time needed to heal mentally, emotionally and physically comes with real workplace consequences: Grieving employees return to work too soon, distracted and emotionally drained. This can lead to disengaged employees, increased absenteeism, and higher turnover. Employees who feel unsupported may become resentful or emotionally checked out, leading to costly mistakes or even resignations.

The silence is not only hurtful but also harmful. The lack of support compounds the trauma, leaving many to suffer alone while trying to maintain professional responsibilities. Studies show that over half of the women who go through miscarriage report symptoms of depression,⁴Stephanie L. Gilbert et al., “Pregnancy Loss: A Qualitative Exploration of an Experience Stigmatized in the Workplace,” Journal of Vocational Behavior 142 (April 2023): 103848. and one in five suffer from moderate anxiety.

These are not abstract statistics. They are your coworkers, your employees, your friends. Their mental health challenges do not stay at home; they follow employees into work, affecting focus, productivity, and morale.

In 2018, I experienced three consecutive miscarriages. I know firsthand the pain of returning to work while still healing, physically and emotionally. My first loss occurred in January, the second in late February. After my third miscarriage, in August, I needed emergency surgery. By this time, I had no remaining PTO for the year.

With each loss, I quickly exhausted my sick leave on medical appointments and recovery. Eventually, I had no choice but to use my vacation time, time that should have been spent with family or for rest, not for grieving and healing. After my surgery and per my physicians’ recommendations, I requested to work from home during my recovery, but my manager at that time denied the request.

I returned to work too soon, mainly out of fear of losing my job and my family’s main source of income. A few days later while at work, I experienced a severe hemorrhage, resulting in significant loss of blood which led to more medical complications. Sadly, job security was now a growing fear, along with my growing grief.

The emotional toll was even more severe. I battled anxiety, depression, insomnia, post-traumatic stress and more. Each loss deepened my pain. Getting out of bed felt impossible. At work, I struggled to focus, made frequent mistakes, and felt isolated. Some colleagues didn’t know what to say or they said nothing at all. Some, unaware of my loss, asked about my pregnancy or to see ultrasound photos, reopening wounds I was trying to heal.

Having a miscarriage is not just another routine medical event. It is a profound emotional loss. For many of us, silence isn’t just a personal burden; it becomes a workplace issue.⁵Lauren Valenti, “Why We Need Paid Leave after Miscarriage in the U.S.,” Vogue, April 2, 2021.

It doesn’t have to be this way. When employers offer miscarriage leave, they send a powerful message: “We see you. We value you. We support you.”

Fortunately, I also know the power of being seen, supported, and given space to heal. This kind of support pays off. Employees who feel cared for are more likely to stay loyal, return to work with renewed focus, and speak positively about their employer. By recognizing miscarriage as the loss of a child and offering time to grieve, companies not only do the right thing morally, but they also make a smart investment in their people. Compassionate leave policies can reduce burnout, improve retention, and foster a culture of empathy and trust, qualities that are increasingly vital in today’s competitive job market.

Internationally, countries like New Zealand⁶Natasha Frost, “New Zealand Approves Paid Leave after Miscarriage,” The New York Times, March 25, 2021. and Australia have already acted by implementing policies that recognize pregnancy loss and provide bereavement leave for miscarriage. These policies allow employees to grieve without fear of financial or professional repercussions. They foster loyalty, compassion, and a healthier workplace culture.

In the United States, progress has been slower, but it is evolving. Some states like California have implemented reproductive loss leave, which grants up to five days of protected leave for miscarriage, failed IVF, stillbirth or failed adoption. Recently lawmakers in Oklahoma have presented bipartisan proposals such as Senate Bill 1204, which will offer teachers and public-school employees three days of bereavement following a miscarriage.

Despite a rise in awareness around miscarriage, the patchwork nature of individual state laws leaves millions of parents vulnerable. When leaders recognize miscarriage as the loss of a child, they validate the grief and humanity of their employees rather than deepening their suffering. The path forward will require coordinated awareness and action between society and our government. State and Federal governments need to establish a minimum standard of recognizing pregnancy loss as a qualifying bereavement event. At the same time, employers shouldn’t wait for legislation to force them to implement leave policies for miscarriages. Together they can strengthen and expand laws surrounding reproductive loss.

Deep down, this issue isn’t just about policy. It’s about leadership. Servant leadership, to be specific. Servant Leadership is the type of leadership that prioritizes people over profit, empathy over efficiency. It’s time we stop treating miscarriage as a private sorrow that is an unspoken tragedy and start recognizing it as the profound loss it is. We need federal legislation that acknowledges miscarriage as a real loss and provides bereavement or compassionate leave for those affected.

This is not just a women’s issue; it’s a human issue. It’s about dignity, compassion, and recognizing the full humanity of our society. Paid leave for pregnancy loss isn’t just empathetic, it’s smart business. Let’s lead with understanding. Let’s lead with humanity. Let’s change our culture and country to a place where no one grieves in silence.